dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
