I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
