i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
