ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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