Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
