you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
