If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
