Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I will pee on everything he values.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
