I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
