this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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