also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
