I feel great
I just peed on a car
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
