just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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