Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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