what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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