Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
