You're so nebulous sometimes
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
