Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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