i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
