my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
please come you make the beer taste better
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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