You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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