everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
