I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
