Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
