2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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