Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
