after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
