You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
