i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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