in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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