we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
