can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
