I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize