good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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