of course. lets lasso hookers.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
