Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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