I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
