whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think my mom watched the whole time
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I would fuck him just for his dog
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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