so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
