Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
