So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
