You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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