I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
