Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
