I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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