I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize