i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You can't just leave with hair like that
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Never joke about your clitoris.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
