was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
