3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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