I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
