I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
