I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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