hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
