I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
