JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
