I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
