The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
