I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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