two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
