Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
