I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
