You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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