so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
