Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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