They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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