I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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