Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
