this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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