if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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