my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
